This is bullshit.
In real life, Its raining. The gutters are clogged with last autumns leaves and there is a very high chance of a once trapped, now dead sparrow rotting away inside. The garden is scattered with hard plastic moulding patio furniture, bits of old sandwich lay soggy in the uncut grass, and theres a dog shit on the patio slab. Inside, the baby is screaming. The ten year old with ADD is pulling his screaming sisters hair, and the mum is having her fifteenth fag of the day while watching Jeremy Kyle. The stodgy stale smell of the weight watchers ready meal lingers thickly in the air, while the teenage girl cries over the latest incestuous episode of Hollyoaks.
Now its sad, but, these two juxtaposing scenarios probably do exist. Perhaps not to these exact extremes but you never know.
What I'm saying I suppose is that somewhere in all of us, we have an ideal of what we would like our own family situations to be like. Whether we want every single member of our family around us, or just a close few. Perhaps our friends are our family. Perhaps you want to be left alone. Some of us decide to step outside of our family box, because we just cannot relate. Sometimes we try so hard to be part of a family it creates something sick and heavy inside us, the want to be loved and like comes so hard, and it can crush you. You may be happy like this. Family may be your key to happiness. Maybe your ideal would be every one smiling twenty-four seven, laughing, drinking, joking, singing, dancing... But its not necessarily the ideal for everyone.
There is one thing that every person alive will never be able to escape. You are part of your family whether you like it or not. Your blood is shared with them. You will look like someone you are related to (you hope they are pretty). But this doesn't mean that you are... a part, of them.
I feel in my own experience, that I have always been divided as to who I recognize myself from. I am stuck as to where I belong and often feel perhaps the wrong stork got the wrong baby. I end up in situations where I'm sat thinking 'do they not see how different I am'.. 'why do they think I would enjoy this'.. I push myself into situations where I would rather be sat plonked out of my face watching Sister Act, or at a local bar with my close friends who are also a bunch of nutters like myself.
I am finding that spending time with the people I am meant to want to be around just forces me in the other direction. I don't want to be suffocated in gossip and the same old stories. I don't want to be guilt tripped for seeing or not seeing someone. I don't want my life to be talked about while I'm not there. I'm not a fucking 'Heat' magazine.
Its presses you down , and when you don't bounce back up you get criticized and scrutinized and then they wonder what the hell is wrong with you...
But perhaps we are not fair to them either. perhaps us being different can be hard. You are your own person after all and sometimes not following suit can seems almost like a mutiny. You've taken up your own ship and cast away from the family island. I imagine it would be pretty hard to watch that happen.
I just wish sometimes that everyone could just.. see. look. and watch, and understand, and get rid of the formalities of tradition.
Families are made up of Weirdos and Wankers. Witches and Bitches. Drunks and Druggies. Dread heads and Bed heads. Swimmers and Sinkers. Lovers and Lawyers. The new born dribblers, the dying and even the dead!
We are all so massively different, yet we are expected to be a clone of our own gene pool.
I think sometimes our families need to look at the originality that it can produce, the sudden changes and moves that can occur just within one person. And I suppose on the family side, perhaps we can understand that sometimes when a unit has been together for a lot longer than we have been around, its not surprising that sprouting a Blue Cabbage of out of all the Green ones wouldn't shock them slightly.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, just hoping that someday you will be accepted for everything you are, and everything you do, and you can feel part of something , whatever it may be, with whomever it may include, and that your happy, being you. Being a freak. The odd one out. The black sheep. The weirdo. The blue cabbage. And at the same time, love and accept your own personal Brady Bunch, and celebrate them in every weirdness that they show. They were probably freaks too once. And just as your gene pool is expanding in every direction, sometime in the future I hope that the teens and weirdos of your future family will look back on photos of you and celebrate the uniqueness that they share, and realise that being a freak was in their blood, and its something to be proud of .
There will only ever be one time we can enjoy being who we are and spend it with the people who love us. And this includes a one way ticket ride with our family. It wont ever happen again, so if we could all enjoy everything we can about ourselves and the family that we wish to spend this time with, whether its relations, our friends, or even spending it with your favourite pet or DVD and the beautiful smiles from the perfect family of the American Dream, then perhaps our versions of our Brady Bunch families can keep moving and evolving , and we can be happy and supportive of everything we are and want to be.
Saying that, even the Bradys weren't perfect, I vaguely remember something about one of them being Schizophrenic,,,
See. Takes all sorts of Cabbages really.
xxx
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