I turned the corner from an orange lit road onto a dark and shady car park, falling into shadow and knowing if I was going to cry it would be my only chance to hide it.
I looked up as I started back into the light leading onto the main roads, and suddenly I was struck with amazement. I gazed up at that big beautiful moon, holding itself with effortless awe in the light polluted sky. The halo and haze around it looked like it could gather the world up softly in its arms.. and I started on a different direction to try and capture some of this beauty on [digital] film.
I walked nearby a local lake where a man had died recently. The minimal amount of flowers there seemed to burst with mournful energy, and yet the image of the flowers tied so sadly against thier will to the iron fence, seemed so perfectly matched to how low and inviting this beautiful lunar moment was.
I held the camera steady, and waited for the second click. The street lamps and the moon had created vibrant lines of light across the picture, as I failed to balance myself, and stay still.
I decided no-one knew me, and it was no-ones business what I was doing, so I walked further away from the usual path home and tried again in a few more locations to capture an apparently pretty picture. The moon was never going to come out on the photo as big as I wanted it to be. I think I'll have to hold how the image was in my head, and keep it as my own personal photo forever, although I was pleased with the outcome of a few of the ones captured on camera.
I walked by the ferry, and and sat on a bench that was facing the city across the water. The towers and the lights almost suffocated the moons glow, but it was wonderful that she was taking none of it.
I looked around, and saw a father and daughter together. She must have been about nine years old. The dad took a photo or two of the beautiful orb in the sky, and showed it to his little girl. She stood up on the stone wall to see the image properly, and looked into the camera and said 'wow, its beautiful!'... Its making me feel in such an emotive state thinking about it...
While sat there, waiting for my ferry home, I suddenly realised that all that ugliness I had felt, had suddenly gone... and I thought about how this happened...
I was for a moment, caught up in an image of utter beauty. Everything about the ugliness and sadness I felt about my own body was suddenly swept away without me realizing, and it was like I had been caught in one of those rope-foot traps, and I was suddenly pulled away from myself, and looking at things from a different perspective.
I had been so intensely focused on the images and frames around me,and the beauty and feeling of it all had, for a little while, caused me to feel at peace, and happy again.
How could I be sad, when there was something so beautiful that had stripped me of feeling otherwise..?
I decided from now, that anytime I began to feel like I was slipping into my own sadness and self pity, that I should stay in any beautiful moment that made itself present to me while feeling so, and let myself fall deep into the pool of positive feeling.. I should embrace it, and let the negativity slip away through the ends of my fingers, and away into the world..
Its the first time that I have ever come to feel this on my own. I finally understand everything that my friends and loved ones have been saying to me for so long.. I can understand, and relate, and feel what they mean about the world, and looking up, and feeling the beauty in everything.
Without you, that moment with the moon would not have meant to me what it did.
So to you, the moon, and the universe in all its amazing glory..
Thank you, I love you, and I will always try from now to see beauty without, and the beauty within....xxx
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